Faith

I have my book report coming up in yoga teacher training...what should I talk about?


I've been reading so much that the information is swimming around my brain with no apparent port in the harbor. But I know that it is not swirling in vain.  I feel stronger in myself these days. "The prize is in the process," as Baron Baptiste says. Kind of loving that book of his, aren't I? But we're all reading that one so I probably need to pick another one.


I have to talk about this radio show that I heard today. I ran to lunch to get some peace and hopefully concentrate on this book that I ordered to do my report on...Spiritual Journeys Along the Yellow Brick Road by Darren John Main. I like the book but I kind of think it's not right for my book report.  But anyway, on the way home, I turned on the radio and this woman's voice came on talking about the death of her three daughters in a car accident two days before her son's wedding. Her voice completely drew me in. Something about it and of course the story she was telling mesmerized me.


Her and her husband were both talking about the tragic event and how their faith was basically able to save their lives. After they found out, she didn't know what to do so she went for a walk with her pastor's wife to just move instead of think. When they got back to the house, the pastor's wife grabbed her hands and started praying. During this, the woman looked at her mantle and saw pictures of her three girls who had all tried on her wedding dress at separate times and taken pictures in it. She said that the thought came to her (sounded like to her from the Divine) that they were now married to Christ. She said that at this moment she was able to find some peace.


I mean, they made it fully clear that every day they miss their daughters like mad. They get angry, they have their moments...but their faith is amazing. I've never experienced faith on this level. I've never had a religion that made me go to church every Sunday or that I believed in excluding all others. I'm not saying that these people do exclude all other religions but their particular belief system and faith was so strong. I was crying the whole way home. To lose your three children and be able to live, let alone inspire others after such a tragic loss is incredible and certainly beyond themselves. It definitely came from a place and a being much larger than them as individuals.


I believe in God. I just don't know what that means exactly or if there is a right religion out there. I have always felt like there are many paths to the Divine and judgement should not be one of them. I pray. I have had moments where I felt the presence of the Divine. I feel like I have angels watching over me during times of hardship. But these people just really touched me with how deeply they felt their religion.


My book report is nothing compared to the story I just told. If people can have faith through something as terrible as they went through, I can certainly have faith to get through a presentation and teaching a yoga class and whatever else that comes up. Living in the moment and living our best isn't easy but it has to be done. God bless us all!

Where I'm at...

So, yoga class last night was great and not so great. I would've loved it if I wasn't feeling like crap. I know, that doesn't sound very yogic...but I am so tired of being sick. I am trying today to be content even in my sick state. I am giving gratitude for having a body to be sick, it means that I am alive and have a chance to be better.


We had the second half of our gratitude seminar during last nights class. Jim Merhaut taught it. He is/was wonderful. There was so much said that rang true with me. But, and this sounds gross, I literally felt like I had constipation of the mouth. I was dying to say something but felt if I did, I would start crying or blush. I was feeling very unsure of myself last night, possibly due to my illness but also because he was talking about bathing as a ritual. The example that he used was of an elderly lady who was about to die and all I could think of was my grandmother, sitting in her hospital chair wanting her bath. I wish I had those moments back. I was not ready to deal with her death. I miss her and love her dearly.


Baron Baptiste says in Journey Into Power that "letting go is not when life is over. It is when life really begins." My grandmother knew this and let go gracefully. I can't wait to "let go." No, I'm not contemplating suicide! Letting go can mean a multitude of things. And I mean a multitude of things when I say that I can't wait to let go. But, apparently you can't force it. I guess I'll put my crowbar away. (Joke)


I am so grateful, honestly, for the teacher training class and all the women in the class. I love people, always have, and with people I trust I can be myself but that circle is very small. I think this class is exactly what the doctor ordered. These women are great and even if they were mean and judgey, like it says in Journey Into Power again, "it doesn't matter if people love you in that moment; you love them. It doesn't matter if people understand you; you understand them. And if they do not forgive you, you forgive them." This is such a powerful statement, it makes me want to cry!


I love people...I guess I just need to love myself more and then I will be able to love people even more.


Thank you to yoga, Marianne for creating this studio and deciding to do this training, Melissa and Shannon for being awesome people and teachers, and all of the girls in the class for being funny, smart, beautiful and non-judgey type people in general. Hearts.